Hollow
You know, that "Amethyst's Mood" over there is going to stay at "blank" for a long, long time. It would say "Empty", but there isn't that choice on the website.
Jeff disappeared about 2 months ago, and I don't even seem to miss him, but Andy... Andy I am always going to miss.
He decided that since his wife is manic depressive (but refuses to take her medicine) according to the "in sickness and in health" clause in the marriage vows, that he owes her another chance. He is an honorable man, I'll give him that. *sigh* He asked if we could still be friends, and I couldn't tell him no, but talking to him is going to kill me, every time.
Oh well.
Concentrating on work, home, and my son should at least help me get things done. Save on cell phone usage. Give me time to work on my tan, and go on a diet. And anything else I can find to keep my mind so busy I don't have to think about anything. Maybe I need a third job.
I guess I can't say I don't feel anything... I feel pain at losing him, I feel stupid at getting involved in the first place, (although I would do it all over again even knowing it doesn't work out, just because we had so much fun together), I feel like I won't ever trust myself again, which means I won't ever get involved with anyone again. Not for quite a few years, at least. Maybe I can use my son as an excuse, at least until he grows up.
Buffalo, you don't have to worry about me being fixated on any man again. I think I will start that club I have talked about before... The "She-Woman's Man Hater's Club". LOL No, I don't hate men, most women usually find someone eventually, but I am just not one of those women. I'm tough, though, being alone won't be too hard for me.
Jeff disappeared about 2 months ago, and I don't even seem to miss him, but Andy... Andy I am always going to miss.
He decided that since his wife is manic depressive (but refuses to take her medicine) according to the "in sickness and in health" clause in the marriage vows, that he owes her another chance. He is an honorable man, I'll give him that. *sigh* He asked if we could still be friends, and I couldn't tell him no, but talking to him is going to kill me, every time.
Oh well.
Concentrating on work, home, and my son should at least help me get things done. Save on cell phone usage. Give me time to work on my tan, and go on a diet. And anything else I can find to keep my mind so busy I don't have to think about anything. Maybe I need a third job.
I guess I can't say I don't feel anything... I feel pain at losing him, I feel stupid at getting involved in the first place, (although I would do it all over again even knowing it doesn't work out, just because we had so much fun together), I feel like I won't ever trust myself again, which means I won't ever get involved with anyone again. Not for quite a few years, at least. Maybe I can use my son as an excuse, at least until he grows up.
Buffalo, you don't have to worry about me being fixated on any man again. I think I will start that club I have talked about before... The "She-Woman's Man Hater's Club". LOL No, I don't hate men, most women usually find someone eventually, but I am just not one of those women. I'm tough, though, being alone won't be too hard for me.
6 Comments:
I just found your blog! good luck to you. It's so hard when a relationship ends
Amethyst, if I were still a down-home country boy I would say you're more full of shit than a stuffed Christmas turkey!
Since I'm a witty and erbane (sic) gentleman of the city I say, "Dear girly, you are sadly deluding yourself if you believe you will never again become fixated on a man. Unless, of course, you eschew men in favor of women. In which case you will fixate on a woman."
Nature of the beast, girl. You are a romantic. You want a knight in shining armor to sweep you off your feet and onto his white charger.
Nothing wrong with that.
The universe doesn't always give you what you want, but your needs are provided. Perhaps right now you need to be semi alone so you can expand your vision, work on your craft and become the woman you are slated to become.
Relationships can get in the way of growth. You only have so much energy. If you pour your energy into a relationship there is little left for creativity and growth.
So........
Thank you, O.
Buffalo, I can't say that I won't, but I can say that I am going to fight it tooth and nail... Some people can't drink without overdoing it - I can't have a relationship without becoming obsessed. One day at a time, and I can go a long time without anyone.
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Oh, with doing all the cooking, cleaning and laundry at my mom's house, pluse working two jobs and taking care of my son, not to mention spending time occasionally with friends, I should have no room to even think about a relationship.
There is something wrong with being a romantic, Buffalo, it means I am dillusional, and need to get over it.
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